So you’re worried you say dumb things from time to time?


Here are some classics that should make you feel smarter . . .

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?   Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever."     - Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."     - Mariah Carey

"I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law."     - David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."     - Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal antismoking campaign

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body."     - Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it."     - A congressional candidate in Texas

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"     - Lee Iacocca

"I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version."     - Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."     - Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor

"The loss of life will be irreplaceable."      - Dan Quayle

"It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago."     - Dan Quayle

"Hawaii is a unique state. It is a small state. It is a state that is by itself. It is different from the other 49 states. Well, all states are different, but it's got a particularly unique situation."     - Dan Quayle

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."     - Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina